From the Rector…
About a week before Anne Waldo died, I went to visit her at the nursing home. She was sitting in a wheelchair in the day room. Though I am not sure she knew who I was, we shared a gentle and pleasant conversation. At one point she proudly showed me a birthday card she had received.
Anne had just turned ninety-eight. Her eyes still shone, even though severe macular degeneration had greatly limited her sight. Her voice retained its familiar lilt, though she sometimes struggled to follow the thread of conversation or find the words she wanted. What struck me most was her spirit—steady, gracious, and quietly joyful.
As I stood to leave, I said lightly, “Keep being nice and take care.” She looked at me and replied, “Some days it is just too difficult to be nice.” True words.
I cannot imagine there were many days when Anne was anything but kind. Yet I suspect many of us recognize the truth in what she said. Some days it is difficult to be nice—when the people around us test our patience, when responsibilities press in, or when life disappoints us yet again. Fatigue, grief, frustration, and fear can thin the veneer of pleasantness we try to maintain.
But being nice is not the same thing as loving.
Niceness can sometimes mean smoothing things over, avoiding conflict, or keeping the peace at any cost. Love, by contrast, is deeper and more demanding. Love does not require us to ignore our feelings, allow ourselves to be mistreated, or say yes when we mean no. There are moments when being “nice” is neither honest nor faithful.
Jesus himself experienced the full range of human emotion. In the Garden of Gethsemane, he felt anguish and prayed in distress. In the Temple, he overturned the tables of the money changers in righteous anger. He spoke sharply to religious leaders whose hypocrisy burdened the vulnerable. These were not particularly “nice” moments. Yet in all of them, he did not cease to love.
Struggling emotionally is part of being human. Struggling to be nice is not the same as refusing to love.
Love may mean holding someone accountable. It may mean setting boundaries or speaking a hard truth with clarity and conviction. It may even mean walking away when staying would diminish the dignity of either person. As Saint Paul reminds us, love is patient and kind—but it is also truthful and steadfast.
Some days it may indeed be too difficult to be nice. On those days, we can pray for the grace not simply to be pleasant, but to be loving—toward our neighbors, toward ourselves, and toward God, who always loves us.
Light and Life,
Candice+