From the Rector…
Recently, I discovered the practice of havruta—also spelled chavrusa—which means companionship or friendship. It’s a method of study in which two people engage a sacred text together, allowing it to reveal deeper meaning through discussion. The pair works as one: they study the text, form a question around it, and respond with a reasoned argument. One person presents their question and offers an answer. The other listens, then offers a different perspective. As they engage with each other’s reasoning, they often arrive at new insights—discovering a depth of meaning that neither might have uncovered alone.
Havruta begins with the assumption that no one person holds the full truth. Rather, each of us holds a piece of it, and only through shared exploration can we approach a fuller understanding.
I find this idea of havruta incredibly meaningful. First, it shifts the burden of having all the answers from the individual to a shared responsibility—truth becomes something we uncover together. Second, it encourages me to look beyond my own perspective by listening with respect and openness to someone else’s. Third, it reminds me that truth is often found in differing viewpoints. If everyone believed the exact same way, we’d live in a one-dimensional world.
Being open to another person’s thoughts and ideas can feel threatening at times. We often define our self-worth through a false sense of certainty about the world. When that certainty is challenged, it can feel disruptive, even disorienting. In response, we may cling to our beliefs more rigidly—even when they no longer serve us or make sense. I’m reminded of the image of a stork trying to eat a frog, while the frog is simultaneously choking the stork—a lose/lose scenario.
When we try to force our beliefs on others, we close the door to genuine connection. In fact, the more we try to control or persuade, the more resistant others may become. But if we can offer our thoughts and then truly listen to theirs, we create space for openness and mutual understanding.
Next time you’re in a conversation and find yourself disagreeing, try this: listen carefully, and instead of responding with “I disagree” or “but…,” try saying, “That makes me think of…” This simple shift can de-escalate tension and invite a richer exchange. You may find that both of you walk away with broader perspectives and new insights.
Contributing to conversation in a positive way is one way we partner with God—and each other—in building the kingdom because it is how we build one another up. When we only listen to our own voice, we leave no room for the Holy Spirit to inspire us. We can choose to live in a world where we always need the last word, or we can choose to live in a world where we are open to the knowledge and love of God—the “truest true”—which is always discoverable between us.
Havruta is about companionship, not about being right. It is a way of connecting to one another as pilgrims on a journey. We might have some idea of where we want to end up, but it is in the traveling together that we discover the deeper truth.
Light and Life,
Candice Frazer+